


I Fall Back Down

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Post-Finalizer Redemption [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Badass Poe Dameron, Evil Snoke, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Force Choking (Star Wars), Knights of the Old Republic vibes, Kylo Ren Redemption, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Not A Slow Burn As Much As A Matchstick, Offscreen character death, Revan/Bastila vibes, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:42:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24861757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After learning of Ben’s fall from Leia, Poe goes to search for him.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Series: Post-Finalizer Redemption [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1801690
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: Darkpilot Songbook





	1. I eat my dinner in my bathtub

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Based on the song “Habits (Stay High” by Tove Lo.

When Luke told Poe that Ben had fallen, there was something about it that was enough to make Poe deny the truth. “You’re lying,” he said. “Or you’re wrong. How can you even say that?”

”I went to confront him,” Luke said, “And he turned on me.”

”Ben wouldn’t just do that!” Poe said. 

Luke sighed. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t believe me, Poe. You’re too close to Ben to see him. To see the darkness in him.”

”He’s a good man!” Even then, Poe couldn’t help but feel like he was straining. Shouting into the void, anything to ward off the idea that somehow, Ben (wonderful, gifted) had fallen. 

”I have to go,” Luke said. “The First Jedi Temple...it’s likely that I’ll find answers there.” It didn’t take a telepath to know that Han, Leia and Kes were appalled. Not truly. 

And even as Poe watched Luke leave, he couldn’t help but hate him. Coward. Liar. 

But what if Luke wasn’t lying?

What if Poe was building up as much denial as possible to numb the pain?

***

Things couldn’t get worse. In between Luke leaving and this, this couldn’t get worse — but Poe found that it could, actually. Even as he heard Leia’s stifled, devastated whisper of, “Ben, no”, Poe knew that somehow, things had gotten worse. 

Poe ran into the room where Leia was, frantic in that moment. Threepio was muttering something about “dear oh dear”, seeming more distressed than usual. 

“What happened to him?” Poe said. “What happened to Ben?”

There was something in Leia’s face that suggested that something indeed terrible had happened to Ben. Something that was too terrible for Poe to even imagine. 

”He killed Ren,” she said. 

“Well, that’s good, right?” Poe said. Already, he could feel his denial wavering on the edge of a vibroblade. 

Leia sighed. “He’s on the side of the First Order, Poe. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It couldn’t be. Not Ben. Ben couldn’t have possibly done this. Ben couldn’t have...and yet here he was. Here they all were. Ben...

”It can’t be,” Poe said. “It’s wrong. It’s all wrong. He couldn’t possibly have — ”

“I felt it. You...probably felt it too, didn’t you?”

Now that Poe thought about it, he had indeed felt cold.

”Poe,” Leia said, “I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry you had to find out about it that way. There aren’t any words...”

”I won’t kill him,” Poe said. 

”Poe — ”

“I can’t!” Poe said. “I can’t and I won’t! I’m not just...gutting him like a kath hound...”

”Poe,” Leia said. 

”If I’m Force Sensitive, that’s what it means, right?” Poe said. “Or even just joining the Resistance. I’ll have to kill him. I’ll have to sacrifice him.” A pause. “I could save the galaxy and lose him. But what if...”

An idea struck him in that moment. An idea, even as he ran towards the hangar, towards BB-8, clambering inside Black One. 

”You can’t just leave!” Leia said. “We need you, Poe...”

”You don’t,” Poe said, before starting up Black One and blasting off. He didn’t know where he was going. He only knew that the next stop was anywhere. 


	2. Then I go to sex clubs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo captures Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was Snoke who called Kylo to meet with him. It had been six years since Kylo, at twenty-three, had fallen to the Dark Side. Maybe “fallen” wasn’t the right word. Maybe “having his eyes opened” was a better word. 

Snoke seemed to loom over him in the close quarters of the _Finalizer,_ all but seeming all-powerful, all-intimidating. It was something about him that frightened Kylo and awed him all at once. 

As long as you weren’t on the receiving end of one of Snoke’s rages, of course. 

”We have an additional enemy,” Snoke rumbled. “Not just Skywalker, but the renegade Force user, Poe Dameron.”

Kylo was aware of him, of course. A man he hadn’t had proper contact with in six years, but still meant so much to him. 

Snoke couldn’t know, though. Snoke could never know. 

”He is your weakness,” Snoke said. “Do you remember the story of Bastila Shan? How she could have embraced her full potential, and failed thanks to one man? The man she loved, at that?” Snoke sounded disdainful on the word “loved”.

”Yes,” Kylo said. Ben Solo had loved the tale of Revan and Bastila. Probably too much, actually. There had been times when Ben had wondered when he would find his Revan: someone honest and true, who saw the worst of him and loved him all the same. 

He had wanted Poe to be that. But Poe...would Poe even think of him with the same devotion that Kylo thought of him with? 

”The Sith have tassels,” Snoke said. “The last one saying, ‘He will immortalize his love’. And that’s what you must do, Kylo Ren. Get the information out of him that you must, then kill him. Immortalize him.”

”Surely we can — ”

Kylo felt an invisible hand squeezing around his throat. Relentless, ruthless. And Snoke hissed at him. “I see Ren and I made a mistake accepting you into our ranks. You’re nothing but a puling manchild who thinks his conflicts are more complicated than they are. Prove me wrong...and maybe my faith in you will be restored.”

The transmission ended. Kylo wheezed; Snoke could be unpredictable, kind one moment and cruel the next. And Poe...

Could he sacrifice Poe? Could he just use him for information and then kill him? He had done many terrible things in the name of serving Snoke. 

Could Poe be one of these things?

He needed to stand. To recover. If his neck still felt the invisible bruises there where Snoke had squeezed...that was something he could ignore. 

***

Poe was on Jakku. Kylo knew that Poe had Ben’s name all but on his lips, that Poe wanted to save him. Kylo retrieved him. He wasn’t ready to probe Poe’s mind yet — it would be easy to just rip Poe’s mind apart and get what he needed, but he couldn’t. Not now. He couldn’t hurt the man he loved. 

Ordering the village of Tuanul massacred...Kylo supposed he was almost becoming desensitized to things of that nature now. It was easy. Too easy. 

***

He could feel Poe’s sense of anger, of betrayal, all the way back to the _Finalizer._ He felt it, and he couldn’t help but wonder why. After all, it wasn’t like Poe expected...better from him. He couldn’t possibly. After all, he was Kylo Ren. He was a monster. The Jedi Killer. Ren’s successor, Vader’s scion. Why was Poe expecting him to somehow be...better?

 _He’s imagining_ him, Kylo thought. _That idiot Jedi. He’s imagining that idiot Jedi when he looks at me. Like he can bring him back. He wants me to be someone I could never be_.

He couldn’t help but resent Poe for it, thinking of him as a role he could never be.

He passed Poe off to Hux, instructing him not to damage Poe. He was a coward, but he wanted to get away from Poe, and what Poe expected of him. Away from the expectations to _change back_...

And it was in the privacy of his room that Kylo Ren finally allowed himself to have a panic attack. 


	3. watching freaky people getting it on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo makes a choice and gains everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The thing about isolating himself in his quarters was the fact that Kylo could hear everything. Everything. Not outwardly, but definitely inside. Hearing Poe being beaten, hearing Poe demanding to know where Ben was. 

_He thinks of that Jedi when he thinks of me._ Any relief that Poe, of all people, was looking for him of all people, was squashed by the fact that if anything, Poe was probably still thinking of Ben. Ben Solo. A name that Kylo hated. “Ben” was the name of a man that had died before Kylo was born, and “Solo”...his father had had to have that name assigned to him, because he didn’t have a last name. 

Two names that didn’t add up. 

_He thinks of that stupid boy. He’d leave me behind if he knew what I’d become..._

It didn’t stop him from getting up. From heading towards the door to the interrogation room where Poe was being kept. Hux was standing out there, unreadable. “Maybe you can do what we couldn’t,” Hux said. 

Kylo opened the door. “I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance onboard,” he said.

”Ben,” Poe said, looking up at him. In the darkness, Kylo could see that his face was bloodied and battered. Kylo made a note to have a word with Hux later, a word that unfortunately couldn’t involve Force choking. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

”Do you truly envision that idiotic _boy_ when you look at me?” Kylo’s voice sounded grating with his anger. “You think that if you beg prettily enough, I’ll change back?”

”Maybe.” There wasn’t any sign of joking in Poe’s voice. You’d almost expect it, really. "I know you. This...thing isn’t you.”

”Maybe it always was.”

A beat. 

”Let me see you,” Poe said. “If Ben’s gone...who’s taken his place?”

Silence. In all good sense, Kylo shouldn’t remove the mask. In all good sense, Kylo should leave it on. But with trembling fingers, he moved them towards the mask. Removed the mask. 

Poe’s gasp was soft, muted. Kylo was aware that he was all but naked, vulnerable before Poe, and it frightened him. It frightened him, knowing that he had that layer of protection stripped away from him. Knowing that he was exposed. 

”Ben Solo is gone,” Kylo said. It felt like a speech he could recite in his sleep. “He was weak and foolish and deserves to be — ”

“Hi,” Poe said softly. Accepting. 

Kylo froze. Did he think of that foolish, broken boy? Did he want him back?

But there was something else. Acceptance. A desire to help. Seeing the good in him. Maybe Poe did want that broken boy back, maybe he did see that lost boy when he looked at Kylo. But Kylo also wanted to believe, so badly, that there was a scrap of good in him. Even if it was only a pinprick of light. 

He wanted to walk towards that light that Poe was offering him, all in that one word. That one promise. 

”I suppose I must seem...monstrous to you,” Kylo said. “You don’t know what I’ve done. What I plan to do.”

”I’m not an idiot,” Poe said. “But I think you can get out while you have the chance. I love you. Whether you’re Kylo or Ben, I love you and believe in you more than anything. I think there is something worth salvaging. Something worth rescuing. I know there’s a part of you that still believes in doing good. In beauty. In justice. I know even Snoke couldn’t snuff it out.” A beat. “I was redeemed, Ben. I turned my life around. I know you can.”

Kylo’s hands were shaking. He needed to — he couldn’t just leave, but he couldn’t hurt Poe. Couldn’t bring himself to hurt the man he loved. 

”How can love...save me from this ocean that I’m drowning in?" Kylo said. 

”Because you won’t be alone.”

Kylo couldn’t. And yet he thought of invisible bruises on his neck. He thought of Poe, who had seen what he’d done...and all the same, he loved him. 

Could he betray Snoke? Was it too late?

”Is there a place in your future for me?” he said. “Because I love you too. With all my heart. There is nothing sweeter in this galaxy than being loved by you. Nothing safer.”

He had to leave. Had to get out. He had put up with Snoke for so long, every bit of training meant to make him “stronger”, every bit of cruelty. 

"You’re ready?” Poe said. 

There was no turning back. No retrieving. 

Kylo waved his hand and the cuffs came off. 

Poe ran to him. Threw his arms around him, and Kylo swore he would have never experienced such a thing in six years. 

”I missed you,” Poe murmured. 

”I did too.” Words that Kylo thought he’d never speak. Words he thought he’d never hear. 

Poe withdrew from Kylo in that moment, beaming. “Come on,” he said. “Come with me.”

It was Hux who stopped him. It was Kylo who mind-tricked Hux into letting them pass. “I have a good reason for this,” Kylo said, waving his hand. “You will let me pass with the prisoner.”

Hux acquiesced and left. Even putting the helmet back on, Kylo said, “I’ll have to wear this. And you...you’ll have to wear these.” He held the shackles. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Dameron.”

Poe shrugged. “They’re for the charade, I know. I will admit you got kinky in my absence...”

Kylo scoffed. “Incorrigible. Just incorrigible.”

***

They took a TIE fighter down to Jakku’s surface. Even as they landed on the landing pad of Niima Outpost, Kylo said, “I’ll have to remove my armor... _again_ , get your mind out of the gutter, Dameron; I don’t want to get caught!”

”You’re the one setting up those opportunities, sweetheart.”

”Point taken.” Kylo sighed. “I’ll have to do something with this too. Bury it in the Jakku desert so they don’t find it? Set the TIE on fire?”

”You’re being overdramatic. Y’know, I thought you acquired a bit of a drama queen streak in my absence...”

Kylo sighed. “You are incredibly lucky I love you so much.”

”I love you too, you overdramatic nerfherder,” Poe said lightly. “You know...we could always sell it...”

***

”And where did you get this armor?” Unkar Plutt said, looking over at Kylo and Poe as Kylo placed his armor and mask on the kiosk. 

”I stole it,” Kylo said. It was at least worth the look on the Crolute’s face at Kylo’s lie. Then again, it was true from a certain point of view...

”You must have been very stupid,” Unkar said. “One hundred portions. I’m in a good mood today.”

”Thanks!” Poe called. “Have a good day!"

It was later they ran across a girl, a skinny girl who looked in her late teens, fighting off a gang of thugs. Kylo was initially about to help (even if he had, stupidly, sold his lightsaber too) only for the girl to ward off the thugs with nary a scratch. 

She felt familiar. Kylo couldn’t put his finger on it, except for the fact that she felt like she could be a family member...

Then BB-8 came wheeling up to Poe and nearly bowled him over, and Kylo lost his train of thought. 

”BB-8, my buddy!” Poe hugged him, and Kylo grinned even as BB-8 beeped cheerfully. He looked up at the girl. “I owe you one for protecting him, sister. Thanks.”

”No problem,” said the girl. Even her very proper accent sounded out of place on a planet like Jakku. “Your droid got in a couple of scrapes. You could say he wouldn’t leave me alone after I rescued him from Teedo. Troublemaker from Niima Outpost, no respect for anyone...”

”Well, you have my thanks,” Poe said. 

The girl sighed. “Like I said, he wouldn’t leave me alone. It was nothing.”

”Still.” Then Poe said, “What’s your name?”

”Rey. Just Rey. You’re Poe, obviously; BB-8 mentioned your name. And you are...” Rey turned inquisitively towards Kylo. 

”Jacen Zordani.” The name “Zordani” sounded right somehow, like he was honoring Tai. 

”Pleasure,” Rey said. “Considering the circumstances.”

The Force was disturbed. Kylo could sense it, subtle but there. “We should get moving,” he said. “Get out of there as quick as we can.”

Rey wouldn’t shut up even as they headed to the hangar. Kylo couldn’t help but think he’d acquired a little sister in the process of escaping the _Finalizer_. “BB-8 says he’s on a secret mission,” she said to Poe. “He has to get back to your base!”

”Yeah. We just need transport and hopefully getting the hell out of here before...” Then Poe sighed. “Oh stars, really? Oh, Millennium Falcon, how the mighty have fallen...”

”I see it.” Even the fact that the Falcon was rusting away in a Jakku junkyard was enough to make Kylo’s heart sink. Force, he’d been gone for six years and _this_ happened?

 _Priorities, Kylo_. 

“That’s the Falcon?” Rey said. “Plutt said it was a piece of junk he’d ‘saved’ from these brothers...”

”Then Plutt’s an idiot,” Kylo said tightly. 

”Well, I knew that,” Rey said. “He was just...the only guardian I had.”

”You didn’t have parents?” Poe said. 

”I did,” Rey said. "They dropped me off here. They didn’t explain everything, except _he_ would find me...”

“Snoke?” Kylo said. 

”Someone else.” Then Rey smiled, almost mischievously. “You know, we could steal this ship from Plutt. It’s about time we did.”

”Sticking it to the man,” Poe said. “I like that. Definitely my policy.” He grinned. “We’re gonna get along just fine, Rey.”

They boarded the ship. Kylo breathed it in, the familiar smells and sights, the feel of the ship humming softly around him. “My old friend,” he murmured to himself. 

”You were there before?” Rey said. 

Kylo shrugged. “Long ago.” Then, “Someone needs to fly the ship. We could draw straws...”

”I can help!” Rey piped up. “I’ve never left the planet, but I have flown ships...”

”I can fly anything,” Poe said. 

Rey scowled. “You don’t believe me?”

”Rey, Poe, that’s enough.” Kylo couldn’t believe he of all people had to be the mediator. “Tell you what...you can be the pilot, Poe can be the co-pilot. I’ll be the annoying backseat pilot.”

Rey nodded, mollified. “Fine by me. You could have been a diplomat, Jacen.”

Kylo snorted. “I assure you, I’d be terrible at it.”

It was fortuitous anyway that Kylo was the backseat pilot. Even as the TIE fighters swooped in like birds of prey and began shooting at the _Falcon_ , Kylo picked them off, regretting momentarily that he was firing on his own former wingmen. But it bought enough time for the three of them to jump to hyperspace, to D’Qar. 

“Whew,” Poe said as Kylo came up to the cockpit. “That was some flying, sister.” He turned to Kylo. “And some shooting, sweetheart.”

”You’re...together?” Rey sounded a bit disappointed. 

”Recently,” Kylo said. “Under unusual circumstances.” He sighed. “It’ll take a long time before we reach D’Qar. Can you keep things running up there, Rey?”

”We’re on Autopilot until we reach D’Qar anyway,” Rey said. “BB-8 could fly this thing.” Then, “You know, judging by how close you are to each other, I should have caught on sooner...”

***

”I didn’t think I’d come back in so long.” Kylo swallowed as he spoke. “I know this place. These beds, everything...”

”It’s okay,” Poe murmured. “I can help you. I love you and believe in you."

”I know.” Kylo inhaled. Then, “Poe...you made jokes about the cuffs. Do you...want to be intimate tonight?”

”Maybe not now,” Poe said. “You know...third wheel on board.”

Kylo chuckled before kissing him softly. It felt right, really, that kiss. The soft brush of lips against another’s, and when their mouths opened...kriff, but it sent an electric jolt through Kylo.

”Let’s just...cuddle, you know?” Poe said. “It doesn’t have to go at lightspeed. We can take it slow.”

Kylo settled beside Poe, drawing him into a tight embrace. To think that he could have hurt this beautiful, vibrant being...

”I know you,” he murmured.

Poe smiled faintly. “I know you too,” he said. “My shining Knight.”


	4. it doesn’t make me nervous, if anything I’m restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo’s cover is blown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was en route to D’Qar that Kylo woke from a nightmare. A nightmare where Poe was on that rack again, being tortured by Kylo, and the nightmare had forced him to listen to Poe screaming, all too loudly and all too clearly. Before Poe’s voice cut through the turmoil...

”Sweetheart, you’re having a nightmare.”

Kylo’s eyes flew open then and he found himself looking Poe in the eye, gasping for breath. “Poe,” he said. “Oh Force, Poe...”

He buried his face in Poe’s chest, sobbing frantically. It was something that he couldn’t imagine, actually hurting Poe in this way. His sobs were pain, and also gratitude. So much gratitude. That the Force had given him Poe...

“I’m here,” Poe said. “I won’t leave you. I never will.”

Kylo forced air into his lungs. “I love you,” he said. “I love you so much.”

”I love you too.”

Poe embraced him tightly. Kylo couldn’t shake the idea that he was going to lose Poe so suddenly, and so soon. Like those brief moments of happiness could just snap...

”Don’t leave,” he murmured. 

”I made my choice and I’m not gonna leave you,” Poe said. 

***

Landing on D’Qar, and Rey’s exclamation of delight at seeing the sheer amounts of green there was short-lived. It was a blond woman with her hair in braided buns that said, “We have to take you into protective custody. General Organa’s orders.”

”What?” Rey exclaimed. “But there’s no charges.”

The blond woman sighed. “That man traveling with you is a killer, plain and true.”

”I renounced that title,” Kylo said. 

”Kaydel,” Poe said. “Please. I’m not a traitor. He’s not a killer anymore and that girl’s not a threat. Please believe us.”

Kaydel looked grim. “I’m sorry, Poe.”

***

It was in the Resistance jail that Rey turned towards Kylo and Poe from her cell. “Did you know, Poe?” she accused. 

”He saved my life,” Poe said. “We were on the Finalizer, and he chose to do the right thing.”

”What were you doing there?” Rey said. 

Kylo cut in. “I captured him,” he said. “Poe convinced me to come to my senses. All through love. All through belief.”

Rey sighed. “But who are you? Was Jacen Zordani a fiction?”

”A necessary one.” A beat. “Rey...there’s a story I need to tell you and Poe. About a monster. And a boy, of course.” A beat. “But mostly about a monster.”


	5. yeah, I’ve been around and I’ve seen it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of a boy, and a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“There was a boy,” Kylo began. “He started out as any other boy — and he had a best friend. A child who wanted to be a pilot like his mother. The boy was sent away though. He and his best friend were...split up. The boy had tremendous skill in the Force with no control over it, and a voice whispering to him in his head. The voice said that he could make the galaxy better. That it was hurting, bleeding. The galaxy has its own...voice. And the boy heard it. That wasn’t even getting into the problems he had. His parents weren’t bad people. His father was good to him, considering his own upbringing, and his mother, considering her father...” He trailed off. To think he had idolized his grandfather. He thought of nightmares, flashes of his mother’s torture that he saw in her mind. 

”So it wasn’t the parents,” Rey said. Poe was still; it was clear that he didn’t know about the voices. 

”It was a combination,” said Kylo. “The boy hated his name. The nickname of his grandfather’s deceased mentor, and a name that an Imperial officer taking pity on a scumrat gave him.”

”Ri’ia,” Rey said. “So...you’re Han Solo’s son? But why did you fall; obviously he gave a damn about you — ”

“Assuming he hasn’t ditched me,” Kylo murmured. “But no, it wasn’t his fault. My uncle, on the other hand...” His voice shook. “There was one night. The voice...it was getting unbearable. Showing me things I didn’t want to see. I woke up. Skywalker was there. His lightsaber...” He sighed. “He was willing to redeem my grandfather, but he couldn’t care less when it came to his own nephew. Whatever my later deeds...I wonder what I had done then that led him to nearly kill me. And then the Temple burned. I didn’t start the fire. But I took the blame. It felt right. Because I good as killed everyone there. Because I wasn’t quick enough. My uselessness, my cowardice...it hindered me.”

”You’re not useless or a coward,” Poe insisted. “Kylo. My Knight. You didn’t deserve any of this. You’ve done your share of bad things, but you didn’t deserve what happened to you. And I can’t believe the hypocrisy of Luke, or the fact he lied to all of us. Because he couldn’t take the most basic responsibility for being a hypocritical...”

”It sounds unbelievable,” Rey said. “But it feels true. I feel it in my bones.” Then, “Kylo, I’m so sorry. Is there...is there any way we can tell General Organa the truth? She deserves to know why. Everyone does."

Footsteps. Then, General Organa herself emerging. She was in her middle age now, but there was a quiet beauty and dignity to her, and Kylo was surprised to see that she didn’t hate him but...felt sorry for him?

”Ben,” General Organa said. “I’m sorry it had to be like this. We couldn’t let you just walk around the base before we knew your intentions.” Then, "It is at least good to see you again, Poe.”

”General,” Kylo said. “Mother. We have to tell you something. If you can’t trust me, trust Poe, and our friend Rey.”

Poe told her. And Kylo didn’t miss the look in her eyes, like her whole foundation had fallen apart. 


	6. I get home, I got the munchies, binge on all my Twinkies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A resolution...for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“Your uncle tried to kill you?” The way that Leia sounded, it was like she was trying to come to grips with the very idea of it. 

Kylo nodded. “I don’t know why,” he said. He sighed. “I guess the question is what now. Do you keep up the lie of the great hero?”

Leia took a deep breath. “We’re taking your uncle into custody for questioning,” she said. “It’s the best thing we can do.”

***

Kylo, Poe and Rey were released, of course. Even as Poe turned to look at Kylo, Kylo said, “I’m all right. I just wonder...how they’re going to handle it. The best thing I can do is face him. Get answers...and apologize for my own share of wrongs.” He took a deep breath. “Failing to save his students. Killing Voe, and Hennix...two of my classmates, so to speak. And more.”

”We’ve got you, sweetheart,” Poe said. “I promise you.”

It was later that Luke was brought in. Kylo was struck by how ragged he looked in that moment, how unkempt. More than that, he looked haunted. Kylo could all but feel the confusion of the other Resistance members around them all, especially considering that they no doubt pictured a hero’s welcome for Luke. 

Kylo supposed that he knew the feeling. 

***

”I have questions,” Kylo said. He was sitting on the other side of the cell. The other side, with Luke between the bars. It hit Kylo that it wasn’t the expected scenario for the both of them. 

”I suppose it’s about time that I told you the truth,” Luke said. He sounded tired. So very tired. It was uncomfortable feeling pity for the man who’d tried to kill him, but here Kylo was. His eyes flickered towards Poe gripping Kylo’s hand in a show of support. “You proved the Jedi’s stance against attachments wrong, I will say that. It’s clear that he saved you.”

”We saved each other,” Kylo said. “And I didn’t choose him to make a statement.” His voice shook. “He loved me and believed in me. Even after you gave up on me. Even after you...” He trailed off. “Karabast, Uncle, what was so terrible about me that you thought I couldn’t be saved? My grandfather killed younglings on purpose and you were still ‘oh you poor thing how can I help you’? What I want to know is what did I do wrong?” A beat. “Before you tried to kill me, that is."

Luke was quiet for a while. Then, “I was weak. Snoke...when I entered your mind to see what the source of your nightmares was, I saw things I never would have imagined.”

”Try living with him for most of your life,” Kylo said flatly. Luke actually winced; it was clear he wasn’t expecting that. 

Luke continued. “What I saw...I saw you killing your father. Your mother dying. And Snoke...I don’t remember much of that night, but it felt a lot like my body wasn’t my own. Like he was puppeteering it. And taunting me.” A pause. “I never told you this, but I came close to killing my own father. He taunted me about your mother, about breaking her and turning her if I didn’t turn. It was...that knowledge that I would be giving the Emperor what he wanted that held me back. You...know the rest. But I wondered — I wondered if killing you would save them. Snoke taunted me about it. It was a second later that I realized I had ignited my lightsaber. I resisted, but only at the last minute.” A beat. “I’m not a god, Ben. Not like the galaxy thinks I am. I let my mind and body be used as a puppet — ”

“You didn’t.” It was an uncomfortable feeling, feeling sorry for his uncle. But Kylo could see images in Luke’s mind — struggling against Snoke’s mind control. “You resisted. You won. I wish I’d realized it earlier.”

”The Temple...did the students inside suffer, Ben?”

”I don’t know,” Kylo said. “But I didn’t kill them. I would never do anything like...Order 66. Ever.”

After a while, Luke nodded. “It’s odd, but I can feel it,” he said. “It makes sense.” A beat. “I’m sorry that I ever doubted you. And I am...sorry I lied.”

”It’s a little much,” Poe said. “You have a lot to make up for, Luke. But your nephew was redeemed. You can be too.” 

Luke nodded, again. “Then...I’ll tell Ben’s mother the truth. She deserves that much.”

***

He told Leia. Kylo never thought he’d see his mother cry. But here she was. 

”Then,” she said, "We’re going to stop Snoke and his First Order. Not out of hate or revenge. But for the sake of our family, the galaxy, everyone we’ve lost.”

Luke was quiet. “Exactly.”

***

It was away from Luke that Poe hugged Kylo tightly. “My Knight,” he said, “I’m so proud of you. You faced something that I never thought you would. You’re doing it.”

”Yes. I am.” Kylo relaxed into Poe’s embrace, the fact that he was safe. Loved. Here. “I really am." 

They sat together on the bed that Leia had let them use. (Rey’s was down the hall) “Kylo...now that we have time...do you want to do this?”

”Should be interesting,” Kylo said, even though that didn’t sum up the frantic beating of his heart, that need to simply be joined with Poe, one with him. “How do we do this?”

”Just tell me what you like, sweetheart.”

Kisses. Urgent as they progressed. Poe breaking the kisses to ask if Kylo was all right, and Kylo saying yes, to keep going. He could feel Poe’s hungry gaze on him, reverent, as Poe pulled away his tunic and pants. “Kriff, you’re beautiful," he murmured. “Everything about you.”

Kylo wasn’t, but he could believe, in Poe’s eyes, that he was such. That Poe loved him. Somehow, Poe loved him.

His body was sensitive. He never thought it would be, as Poe stimulated and worshipped his nipples. He could feel how much his own strength turned Poe on, how Poe was hardening against Kylo. 

”Kriff, there’s so much of you...” Poe’s voice was almost strangled with desire. “So much strength.”

Kylo had to admit he was preening a bit, just how Poe’s control, usually so carefully kept, was unraveling. 

”Take off your clothes,” he said. “They’re just a hindrance.”

He could feel Poe’s trepidation. About how he wasn’t as muscular as Kylo, as large, that his body seemed ordinary in comparison, but Kylo doubted he’d seen a man more beautiful. And it made no sense that Poe was self-conscious about being shorter and not as strong; it wasn’t like he could help genetics. 

”You’re so beautiful,” Kylo murmured. “Let me worship you. Touch you. Please.”

Poe nodded. 

Kylo got up. Poe lay on his back, Kylo straddling him as Poe moaned. 

“Already desperate and I haven’t even got to work,” Kylo teased. "You think I’m desirable, Poe?”

”I do,” Poe murmured. "I love you. I love your body, I love your mind, I love your heart. I love you.”

Kylo made a note to reduce Poe to very incoherent begging and screaming from pleasure. "I love you,” he murmured. “I’ll do anything to make you happy. Your mind, your heart, your body. I want to please you.”

”You are already." Poe moaned even as Kylo kissed and bit and sucked his nipples, licked a stripe down the flatter expanse of his belly. Poe gasped, arched. “Oh Kylo, please...”

Nibbling. Poe babbling praise, his words that were usually witty or eloquent or anything reduced to begging and murmuring about how wonderful Kylo was. "Kriff...touch me, Kylo.”

Kylo obliged. Poe bucked, moaning in desperation before coming incredibly fast in a spurt in Kylo’s hand. He began to apologize, only for Kylo to reassure him that it was all right. “You don’t have to be a sex god,” he said. “I love all of you.” He was hard now, desperately. “You want me to be inside you?”

Poe grinned. “Given how big your dick is...I could use the challenge.”

Kylo prepared him. He wouldn’t deny, being called “big” was flattering, made him preen. After using his come-soaked fingers, he entered Poe, almost worried about hurting him...but Poe’s pleased moan was reassuring. 

”Kriff. You’re so big.” Poe whimpered as Kylo moved, starting to relax and enjoy the feeling of being inside his soulmate. "You really know how to make a man feel good.”

”I’m glad.” Kylo touched Poe, between his legs. "Kriff, you feel so tight. So _mine_.”

“Didn’t know you had a dirty-talking streak.” Poe teased. He groaned again as Kylo hit...something. “Oh, kriff yes, again...”

”You feel good?”

”Yeah.”

Kylo angled his thrust again to hit that spot, wanting to give Poe everything. He thrust and stroked until Poe came explosively again, and Kylo...

"I love you,” he murmured, even as he came. It felt quick and like there was so much to spend. 

It was there that Kylo pulled out of Poe’s body, watching Poe’s dazed, sated, worshipful face. The heat of worshipping Poe, of feeling too much, had died down to a softer, contented humming warmth as Kylo held him. 

”I’m never gonna leave you,” Poe murmured. 

Kylo smiled. “Neither will I.”


End file.
